Monday, June 18, 2007

Devil's Play - II

I have always imagined the devil to have two sharp serpentine horns, a creepy round face with a bloodcurdling vicious smile and a long pointed pike in his hand !...Unfortunately, the devil I saw in reality, had on khaki garments, a roly-poly belly, a caterpillarish moustache and just One horn, which the darned bummer kept honking like an ass!..In the other hand he managed the steering wheel, and simultaneously kept releasing smoke like a 5th century Merovingian chimney!...Lush green countryside and soothing peace and quiet would make such an outstanding combo, but unfortunately I was not blessed with much of the latter, thanks to the solidified perseverance on the driver's part to never let go of his devastating hobby...I drove my earphones so deep into my ear, they played touch-me-not with my ear drums, yet I could not make head or tail of poor Chris Martin's 'Yellow', because of the same dull, monotonous, jarring noise of the horn that was so deafening, it made me think of the landslide queue ENT doctors would have to face if people continued to use such means of transport!...Even if I tried snoozing, I got horrendous images of his face, with the devilish cackle of laughter, and of course the intolerable cacophony of his horn playing in the background!.. His theory - If there is a vehicle in front of him, he honks till they move, or he goes so close and kisses their rear bumper, they automatically move aside for fear of getting run over by the mean machine.

The remote village I had to visit, can be reached only by buses(No private travels function on these roads, so its just the government ones!).Airports are just far fetched illusions here, and an occasional plane in the skies would signify days of excitement for the kids in this village, whose prime source of entertainment is rolling rubber tires on the streets or playing goli-gundu!..It does have a railway station though, which is adorned by a lot of dry leaves and sleeping mongrels, and I don't think the people from this loserville would have seen a stationary train on its tracks since the near Mughal era!..The government buses here are a matter of admiration, with seats so upright, your backbone would resemble a Camlin ruler, and the engine so Ferrari-like smooth it would displace all other sources of sound, and evacuate the acoustics around, making it look like a perpetual sound-free zone!(Please be sane enough to realise that there's a dollop of sarcasm melting on top!..) Oh, I nearly forgot the fact that my bus was a DVD coach!...There were two miniature golf-ball sized television screens playing some rotten movie, where the hero looked like a martian with an Elvis hairdo, while the female lead's alarming face popped up only a couple of times and the rest of the scenes did not show much of the face area!... It was similar to those first generation movies where there were just pictures pasted periodically on a three mile stretch which people have to relate by themselves, formulate a plausible plot, and assimilate the movie, while sounds played in the background, because this import quality trademark brand "Panosenic" DVD player did not show scenes, it just got stuck so frequently, it made the movie look a Windows slideshow, and I did not take too much effort to check it out anyway!..

The bus would like a compact tinderbox from the outside perspective, while the insides will be a collage of weird advertisements, making it look like a life-size newspaper classifieds page!...The front windshield had "Ku-blah blah Transport Service" written in a blinding kaleidoscopic array of colours, with 'Colour DVD Coach' pasted right beneath it. This was a revelation drive for me, and I'm proud to endorse!..Bringing to you - A one time golden opportunity to ride in the palace on wheels, the carriage of comfort, the A380 on road, for just 44.50 per head(Inclusive of all taxes) to hell, and back!..If your life has taken a turn for the worst and you have chosen suicide as your alternative out of your own free will, and you are game for a painful death, they welcome you in with arms wide open!..Choose my way on the highway!...'Ku-blah blah transport service' - Live the experience!..Die Hard!...Good Luck!...

- Supermur

Friday, June 8, 2007

Band Aid!!

As usual, I should announce the real essence of my topic before you
jump to conclusions!...No! I'm not a jobless Virender Sehwag with
stunning performance coefficients shown only in Asia-Africa matches
and Reebok commercials, endorsing for Johnson and Johnson's now!
Oh wait! Wasn't that Hansa-plast?..Do I even care?...What I intended
to talk about was this perennial craze of mine to play for a band!..So,
this represents an open petition to all my readers to aid this so-called
band I'm planning to inaugurate in a short while!.. I might invite Ozzy
over to render an inaugural vocal, so don't you miss it!..

I have always fantasised the paradisiacal portrait of myself with long
hair flying around like cotton candy, guitar in hand, rocking my way to glory as girls from the audience gave out 'oohs' and 'aahs' as I plucked at the guitar strings and gave a perfect rendition of 'Musical
Magnetism'(By the way, that will be the name of my first album) with
my mesmerising rugged voice that floats through the hall enthralling
listeners into captivation!..Gee! Fantasising can be quite an entertaining pastime!..

Guilt being an integral factor of every human soul, I should accept
the fact that myself being in a band would unequivocally be a figment
of my vast imagination, the possibility of which would be so miniscule, V.R.V Singh might begin to bowl straight balls by then and
Vijayakanth might have won an Oscar!...That is solely because my
voice or my musical skills are not worth singing for any band, why not
even for so much as my servant-maid's rubberband and because the
only musical instrument that I presently own would be my 17 year old
rusty mouth-organ!...But watch out people, stargazing could hit the
walls of reality sometime, and there would be a day when I really will
play for a band, exhibit a perfect 180 in my Lamborghini Diablo VTR,
and reject Beyonce's compassionate proposal, as my pilot devotedly cleans the right wing of my lear-jet!...Until then, I'd have to motivate myself with "Dream on kiddo, reality might be only a few leagues away!..".


P.S : I wonder where this incessant grudge against the Indian Team
materialised, but I only hope Percy Sonn's image does not come haunt
me every night for this!..After all I'm not Scrooge, I'm just me!..
- Supermur