Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Magnetic Bum

Your post was supposed to be written four months ago, with a different title and different content as well. That post never got written. Your house has not been vacuumed in weeks. Your pants are still unwashed. Remember that girl you wanted to speak to? Well, she got engaged, married and her second son already is in jail for making #YoRahulSoDumb jokes.

Ever wondered why none of the above actually got done? Because, you forgot to get off your ass and do it!

Get off your ass!

Your ass has magnetic features. It simply attaches itself to certain areas and you just cannot get off, unless of course, if you tried. The problem is, we got older. (Yes, I meant you too. Just because you use Fair and Handsome does not make you any younger. Try Fair and Teens.) While getting older, we just became that much more lazier. We. just. stopped. caring.

"GMAT? Nah, I'll take it. This year. Or next year. Or sometime soon. Maybe. If I'm alive."

"Change the floor-mats in the car? Sure. I'll do it one of the coming weeks."

But do you know what the problem is, with doing it in 'one of the coming weeks'? Every frickin' week from now until your death are all 'coming weeks'. So, do you ever do it? Nope!

Get off your ass!

Every day I told myself that I should write. But I never wrote a single line. I tweeted instead. (And no, it is not the same. In fact, it is much worse.) I had a watch that stopped working on April 23rd 2013. A regular human being would've repaired it at least by May. What did smart little me do? Stopped wearing watches instead. We are so comfortably curled on our beds watching Breaking Bad or Miley Cyrus twerking (Okay, that was just me.), that we fail to realize the things that we should actually be doing that make our lives better. Psst. Here's a quick tip.

Get off your ass!

The only times we actually do something, is when we are pushed to it.

"Damn, Amma wants me to get married. Need to move out. I should quickly write GMAT, get a pathetic score, pay all my father's wealth to study in a college in the Sahara desert, so I can come back to India unemployed, but proudly with a Masters degree in Sand management from 'foreign'. Yay!"

"Cha, my so-called girlfriend said the car smelled so bad, it was like riding in an air-conditioned armpit. Damn. Should change car floor-mats immediately!"

It's amazing how we suddenly become the doers from being the no-gooders, the minute we know we have no choice. Maybe life would be so much more awesome if we decided to do things by ourselves. No, don't read this post and go back to your wretched Onida TV so you can continue on F.R.I.E.N.D.S reruns. (And FRIENDS? For Christ's sake, Grow up already!)

Just pick up that pant and soak it. Walk straight to your car and throw the floor-mats out. Call her. Just call her. Once you start the activity, you'll at least get somewhere with it. I somehow started, and wrote this blog. Your turn to, well, uh..

Get off your ass!