'Bulb Fiction' by Funtin 'Mur'antino!

The title has perfectly nothing at all to do with my post. That is just some stupid name I came up with while working out math, which I thought I would name the film, if I ever could bring together the makers of the 'Scary Movie' series and make a spoof of Quentin's original creation!

It is eerie outside. The imaginary black cat with eyes like burning embers waiting to pounce at every brahmin individual who stays up after 2 'o' clock in the night, continues to haunt me. I guess I'm hallucinating. But I simply could not delay this post any more. It had to come. Solely because the topic I'm about to discuss is a rage among today's youth and children. (And No, it isn't low waist jeans!) and because I badly needed a break from my so called hectic study schedule!..Anyway here goes!...

Disclaimer : The bearer hereby declares that by posting this blog entry he means no harm to any individual living or dead and any cynicism direct or indirect is intended to merely tickle the funny bone and any damage caused is unintentional and purely coincidental.

Though I did provide a disclaimer, for those of you who have amassed enough wealth to override my disclaimer or have renowned criminal lawyers as parents, using which/whom you wish to file a case against me and send me off packing to the Andaman Prisons, I beg for mercy!

Though the chief reason for my sudden visit to Bangalore was to have a study-friendly atmosphere, I really did not get much of it, thanks to the extremely sleep-inducing weather and to the considerate Bangalore Municipality for having built and inaugurated two new malls this year. Citing moronic reasons like having to visit the Apple Centre, to my mother, I made my way to The Forum mall. It was a tuesday and there was'nt the usual bustling crowd, and swept by the wave of boredom I slowly made my way to Landmark. Professional Window shopper that I am, I walked in and directly headed for the books section, and the first book that caught my attention was this - "What will happen in the 7th HP book, The Deathly Hallows" - A Mugglenet publication. A 282 page hardbound paperback edition it is, which the mentally retarded publishers have priced at a whopping 495 bucks!.I do understand that Harry Potter is a craze among the youth but writing a book like this is a little over the edge. I mean, Come on people, Get a life!..Curiosity getting the better of me, I picked up the book, hunted for a cozy corner, found a chair and seated myself.

This book had a contents page with a variety of predictions by millions of HPFs(I guessed Half-witted Prosaic Fools, but the index said 'Harry Potter Fans'!) with sufficient proof to substantiate on the predictions. The publishers have put up a disclaimer too stating that this has nothing to do with the works of J.K.Rowling and is solely the work of spirited HPFs!...Bah!..Believe me, the compiler must suffer from stunted brain growth because he actually knows every single word in every single page of all the previous six books! And he has painfully researched on all the plausible conclusions for the 7th book. He has also taped every single interview of J.K.R and has extensively scrutinised it for any valuable information. I really am assured that he lives at some 221B Baker street or atleast somewhere close by!..He could try working for the CCP!..Veerappan would have fallen prey ages back!..

If only he had applied the same amount of effort on his subject books, I swear he would have given most Harvard professors a run for their money. All that was pardonable, but here is the best part!..I was flipping through random pages and I stumble onto this conclusion - "Why Harry and Ginny would pair up". The proof says " Ginny is an epic name that synchronizes with 'Ginevra' which is the name of the wife of the Great King Arthur. Harry's character represents that of a successful individual like King Arthur who was victorious in all his endeavours and was an icon of bravery. This is mighty proof that Harry and Ginny will unite". For a split second I thought I would fall off my seat with laughter, clutching my tummy. I mean, this is as blasphemous as saying all Pakistan bastmen are high-profile commerce graduates because they have "CA" written on their bat stickers or something of that sort! What is with the world today?..It is a book after all. I think people have surpassed the stage of being fans of HP and have now become fanatics.

Perhaps, they would all unite and form a clan, and fight for their rights. Maybe there would be another clan, say, for the Lord of the Rings. They could fight!...There could be a battle, The Fourth World War!. LOTRF (vs) HPF!... Maybe I could be opportunistic and write a book about it. I could call it, well, " The War of the Words".. Jesus Christ!...My spontaneity is on an all time high!..Let me get a grip on myself!.

I just don't understand how a book could make this colossal an impact!..I feel HP is one of the most over-rated books in the history of fiction. HP has become an addiction now. It might eventually replace Gin and Tonic and maybe even tobacco!..You just can't say!..People might start going around to potti kadais and start asking for HP books. No, that would not be economical!...Maybe pages!...They could ask for 20 pages of one of the 7 editions at say, 20 bucks!..God help me, I sure am high!...

All this is atleast digestible, but while I walk out I see a girl, mid-teens, balancing herself on 'Liberty' stools, who was actually picking out a brand new 500 rupee note to pay for the rotten book!..I told myself that she must be either so filthy stinking rich that even her Porsche's drivers resided at the Malibu Club, or her sanity is up for auction somewhere in the Arabian midlands!...My humble apologies to those who are enraged after reading this post and are waiting to butcher me and put me up for sale under Good-Life Chicken. I cant deny the fact that I do read HP, but I only READ! ..If you are otherwise, and are willing to be a part of the epic war, please provide me with specifics. It would help me enhance the quality of my book and make it an entertaining read!..

- Supermur